I have had a really round about journey to the realisation that I wanted to pursue a research career. However, when I did start noticing that 'research', whatever that meant, sounded interesting, I began to notice qualities about myself that I'd never been particularly self-aware of previously.
The main quality that seemed to have new relevance was a determination to find answers to questions that I had... and a never ending amount of questions. I love trying to figure things out. Well actually when I say love - it is probably a little bit more like love / hate. Because while I love the figuring things out part, the searching part is not necessarily enjoyable. It is driven by sometimes intense frustration at not knowing or not being able to locate what I am looking for.
Tonight I feel that same kind of frustrating searching feeling. There is something I desperately want to know. However, I have learnt over time that there are some things that you can't find the answer for 'out there', you can only figure it out inside. I want to know what I should do about a particular situation. However, there is no real answer to 'what I should do', there is what I can do and what I end up doing.
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